Manitoba Herald, Canada
>>
>>The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
>>has
>>intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
>>stop
>>the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the
>>exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
>>hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
>>
>>Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
>>professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
>>at
>>night.
>>
>>"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
>>producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
>>whose
>>acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
>>hungry.
>>"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
>>I
>>said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
>>screenplay, eh?"
>>
>>In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
>>fences,
>>but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
>>Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
>>liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
>>wouldn't
>>give milk."
>>
>>Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
>>near
>>the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
>>across
>>the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
>>
>>"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
>>Ontario
>>border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
>>water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>>
>>When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
>>wailing
>>loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
>>circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
>>camps in
>>which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR
>>races.
>>
>>In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
>>crossing
>>the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to
>>buy
>>cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young
>>vegans
>>disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
>>stopping
>>buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como
>>and
>>Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
>>
>>"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show,
>>we
>>get suspicious about their age," an official said.
>>
>>Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
>>creating
>>an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
>>movies.
>>"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
>>support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
>>does
>>one country need?"
>>
>>In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
>>President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
>>the
>>administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to
>>Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And
>>we
>>might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is
>>determined to reach out," he said.
>>
>>
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Author
Topic: Illegal Immigration into Canada...God help U. (Read 1033 times)