Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[ColinB]

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He
had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice -- picnic tables, Horseshoe
courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees. The pond was properly
shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old
farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it over, as he hadn't been
there for a while.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared
the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came
closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

(some) Old men can still think fast

Colin
Rodney, I hope this is OK for general release?

[mojoman]

 



mojo

[troutbreath]

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..

[Xgolfman]

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and 

eyeing two. government officials sent to interview him.

 

Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years.

You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and 

the damage he's done."

 

The Chief nodded in agreement.

 

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white

man go wrong?"

 

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied ..

 

"When white man found the land, Indians were running it.
No taxes,
No debt,
Plenty buffalo,
Plenty beaver,
Women did all the work,
Medicine man free,
Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing,

All night having sex."

 

Then the chief leaned back and smiled ....
 
"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that." 

 

 

[Xgolfman]

CLARIFICATION OF TEXAS HUNTING LAW
>
>The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department issued a statement today saying
>Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail
>over the weekend.
>
>A TPWD spokesman noted that, in Texas, lawyers are not considered game
>creatures, and are thus not subject to seasonal limitations or bag limits.
>It was further noted that lawyer hunting was encouraged as the state is
>overrun with the pesky little vermin.
>
>A local food critic said that, contrary to rumor, lawyers do not taste like
>chicken, but rather like bovine dung which is a major component of their
>composition.  Below is a complete listing of the regulations.....
>
>
>Texas 2005- 2006 Season and Bag Limit On Attorneys
>
>1.  Any person with a valid Texas hunting license may harvest attorneys.
>
>2.  Attorneys may be taken with traps and deadfalls. Currency or
>promises of contingency fees may not be used as bait.
>
>3.  Attorneys may not be killed with a motorized vehicle. If accidentally
>struck, the hunter should move the carcass to the roadside, and proceed
>to a car wash.
>
>4.  It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a motor
>vehicle,
>watercraft or aircraft. Marked police vehicles, however, may be used as
>shooting platforms.
>
>5.  It is unlawful to shout, "Whiplash", "Ambulance", or "Free Booze"
>for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
>
>6.  It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of Mercedes, BMW,
>Lexus, or Infiniti dealerships.
>
>7.  It is unlawful for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug
>dealer, female law clerk, sheep, accident victim, physician, bookie, or
>tax accountant for the purpose of baiting attorneys.
>
>8.  Care should be used so as not to endanger any remaining species. We
>would not want a repetition of the disaster that followed the "no limit"
>season on the endangered subspecies, "Honest Lawyers". That particular
>variety is near extinction. Excessive harvesting could diminish the
>chances for survival of the Bill of Rights.
>
>For those from other states, the Non Resident Texas Hunting License is
>only $200.   I am writing the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department for
>clarification if out of state attorneys that I bring with me will require a
>federal tag as Migratory Buzzards, or if they can be taken with just the
>regular Texas Hunting License.
>
>I am also writing my Senators and Representatives to see if they can do
>something about making this a federal law and permit hunting in all 50
>states and especially the District of Columbia.  I think culling a few from
>the herd may actually prevent or mitigate overgrazing on the federal
>budget...

[Big Steel]

I hope that one is ok Colin!!!  That was a gooden!!!!

[leaseman]

thanks for the chuckle people